The United Dates Of Sarah - Footish Fetish? - Entry 17

Soooo as many of you know, I was stood up on Friday! Yep, that's right....I was sitting at the bar for 1 hour and then decided to leave...To be fair though, it wasn't 100% set in stone...but still...it sucks he didn't have the courtesy of texting back....he still hasn't tried to contact me since Friday....Here's how it went down! 

It's just annoying that he didn't even bother to send a text or call right?!? I have never stood anyone up! If I need to reschedule or cancel, I always give the person enough notice so they can make other plans in the meantime....I mean, I could have been doing something amazing on a Friday night instead of waiting for this douche bag...Instead, I went to Yogurt Land to drown my sorrows. 

Anyways, this week I want to talk about fetishes. Yep...everyone has one but some people have weird or awkward fetishes. Someone at work was telling me about what one guy said to her:

Guy: "Can I take you out to dinner and hold your feet while you're eating?"

0_o

Seriously?? First of all, ew

Second of all, why?

Third of all, what?!

#ican't

I mean, I know some guys love feet, but maybe try and keep your fetish inside a closed space...not out in public....unless your fetish is to do shit in public...

Anyways...before you meet a girl, maybe keep your weirdo side locked up...or you'll scare us away. Let's get to know you/like you first and then we might comply with your requests....MAYBE!

AND NOW A GUEST ENTRY!!

Hello there daters and datees,

This is Sarah's friend "The Trier" and I'm back after a couple months of trying on something, well...someone, for a little too long.

We'll call this guy: The World's Busiest Boy (TWBB)

So I moved across the country and am starting another chapter of my adult life. There were a few breakups amongst my travels (don't worry, these were consecutive, not simultaneous). But I've jumped right back into the weird world of online dating in an attempt to "put myself out there" and "be open"-- I've been dubbed The Trier (TT) because I am willing to try, try, and try again. Ugh.

Back in July I thought I met a great guy online. We had a similar sense of humor and could easily "connect" online. We were both busy traveling, he with family, and me solo, when we entered this period of digital courtship. Alas, we were both home and available for...

Date One:
We go to the biggest park in the city-- and end up on the exact opposite side from each other! Like over a mile away from each other. And it was hilarious! We immediately got on the phone and started joking around about our epic Marco Polo, until I got in my car and high tailed it over.
Great date= cheese, crackers, wine, and a blanket.

Date Two:
We meet in my neighborhood to watch a sailboat race with hard ciders. We sit on a swing by the water. We realize we were at the same 4th of July party. The world gets magically smaller. I shoot my worst game of pool at a bar. Great date, great kisser.

Date Three:
We go to my favorite whacky restaurant. A silly store. Back to the the park we met at. Still a great kisser, decent back rub.

At this point, everything is great! We've been on some awesome dates! We text often and even talk on the phone a couple of times. But we only see each other once a week, and these dates aren't easy to schedule. As TT I am optimistic that this will shift into seeing each other more frequently. And he throws out some great lines too!

"You're flying first class with TWBB Airlines. You get booked with me as soon as I am free!"

However, TWBB is always working, or with his family.

SO busy!

TWBB has a crazy work schedule and does family dinners, family trips, family haircuts, etc. He also does a lot of time convincing me of how busy he is.

Let me delve into month two before you think this is going to end like a match.com commercial.
My first thoughts were: "How driven!" "How dedicated!" All positives.
But in the next month I start to think TWBB should branch out from his family, and learn to leave work stress at the office door when he ends the day...

Things become a bit more relaxed at this point. Because, duh! He's busy!
I have some doubts, but I get a great call and plans happen. So with that security...
Needless to say, the dates below aren't PG-13; we're sleeping together.

I have him over for dinner and wine one night with a skyline balcony.
He has me over and we cook a meal together and drink wine.
He has me over and provides pizza and beer and a movie.

On this last one I get a very charming line too. Grade-A 21st Century romance: "You're not a booty call. I know it's late (post-work) and I appreciate you coming over, but I don't want you to think that's what this is."

I could've said, "Oh great, so what am I?" But instead I joke about how a booty call doesn't get her own special meat-free pizza.

We make loose plans for the weekend.
I check in.
I get an excuse (family-related).
I propose something lighter, coffee, pre-family.
I get told:

I call. We talk. I say I'm getting used to the excuses. He gives me a line about not bailing intentionally. Also tells me we'll plan something for the week ahead.

I have friends and co-workers telling me at this point that he's unavailable, that I'm chasing him and it should be reversed, etc. But alas, I am TT.

I reach out since a date with me won't plan itself. And I get radio silence.
Nothing. No calls, no texts.

But at this point, I've only been nice and mildly comedic. So I call and leave a voicemail in my stern and serious voice just asking to not be left high and dry.

I get a text like: Work is busy. FML. LOLZ
TT: Oh, well that doesn't seem to have any initiative with it.
TWBB: Because I don't have ANY time
TT: Get in touch when you're free. Grabbing coffee to talk in person would take less than an hour.
TWBB: We need to talk?
TT: Yeah, but I don't want to text.
TWBB: Just do it

So I call.
He answers and his tone is pushy, rushed, agitated. His phone is blowing up in my ear the way iphone users get that buzz buzz reverberation.

I try to muster the things I need and want to say.

TT: I don't think this is fair. I'd rather speak in person. Let's plan a time when you're free so we can be face to face.

TWBB: What is this about? Time? I don't have time? What do you need to say? What do you need to ask?

TT: I, umm, feel like you're unavailable. And um, I...

TWBB: Yeah, no. I have no time. Mhmm. Work. I'm always working.

TT: And I umm there's like other stuff I'd like to ask you about and I...

TWBB: What is it? What's this about? You're scaring me! I don't have time for games. Don't play games with me.

TT: I'm not playing a game. I'm trying to compose myself and what I want to ask is if you've been dating anyone else or sleeping with anyone else.

TWBB: Sure, yeah. I'm honest. I mean I've been around the block. I lied and fibbed in the past, but I'm honest.

TT: So...

TWBB: Dating- yes. Sleeping with- no.

TT: Oh, okay. So, is this, umm, is this working?

TWBB: This? Oh, okay. I see I see. Yeah, I don't know what you expected. I don't want a relationship. Maybe later, but not now. I definitely don't want a relationship. I don't know what you thought. Hey so I just got in and I'm leaving to meet my family.

TT: Okay, yeah. I wasn't expecting anything. That's not what I meant. I just feel like you're really busy. Have a great time with your family.

TWBB: Yeah, yeah. I'll call you after.

I knew after his attitude and defensiveness on the phone that I was not going to be hearing back from him anytime soon. I also knew that was all I needed to hear to know that this wasn't working...for me.

I had been told how busy he was and given reasons why he couldn't see me, but never once was it made clear that was with the involvement of other datees. You can't preach your honesty when you're lying in a bed of omission lies.

No one likes being played, strung along, led on, etc. Especially me.

So I wrote him a long-winded note and sent it old school. No, not to his home address, back to our roots. An Ok Cupid message. Basically I let him know without a screaming email that the way I had been treated in this situation was not okay.

I sent him this: "Hey! So I knew I wouldn't hear back from you this eve. So I left you a message on Ok Cupid saying everything I needed to say"

For those of you interested in the gist of it....It had this affect:

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This guy needs to calm down!