The United Dates Of Sarah - Pick Me Up - Entry 11

Guys! This is going to be my last post for a while!! How sad!!! I'll be in Israel for a couple of weeks and then when I come back, I'll need to hibernate BUT don't worry...I'm planning on getting a lot of material from my trip :)

Before I go, let's talk about picking up a girl...not physically but with your words...remember how to use those?

And I'm not talking about shouting out to someone while they're walking by. An example from last night:

Random guy: Hey you! Black skirt!

Me: Yeah?

Random guy: You're like really cute.

Me: Thanks

THE END! Like, very sweet to tell me but not as I'm getting into an UBER and driving away...

If you're trying to shout out at someone, make sure you'll have time to talk to them at least....And take note...This is how you do it right:

Anyways, I was talking to a friend the other day about "pick up lines". It's hard to do over the computer or in person. Believe me...I've gotten some pretty bad ones. Still to this day my favorite has got to be, "Do you know what material this shirt is? Yeah, it's boyfriend material".

Some sites help you with prompts though which kinda makes it easier but it doesn't really start a convo. I got this message on Ok Cupid the other day:

"Hi" is probably the worst pick up "line" to use...Where am I supposed to go with that? If I say "Hi" back...we're kinda back at square one. I mean, give me something to work with and unfortunately, to be honest, it's 99% attraction. People have an issue with time these days. In the words of the wise:

People have things to do, places to go and money to make...We want instant gratification these days so don't lie!! You know if you're not attracted to someone, you won't give them the time of day...Yes, it's sad but the truth...and I only speak the truth. 

Anyways, my friend told me his favorite pick up line and then continued to provide me with this extremely accurate and calculated data: "I get about a 90% reply rate on Tinder". 

Are you ready for it?? Here it is!

"We both swiped right. What's next?" or if it's not on Tinder "So there's some type of attraction. What's next?" 

These are good!! Do you know why?? Well, I'll tell ya! It not only shows he's making an effort (because most guys just swipe right on you and don't write anything...or if they do write something it's probably super inappropriate) AND it puts the ball in the girl's court. Pretty clever!  If the girl wants to be funny with her response, she can be. If the girl wants to flirt back, she can. If the girl really just wants to get some...she can say that too...there's a whole world of ways to respond, whereas "hi", you don't get a lot of options. 

Here's one response he got the other day...I wouldn't have taken it this far this fast especially, but that's just me :P 

Geeeez. Girls can be forward too...

Anyways, the point of my story is that pick up lines can be good and create a conversation. Let's start talking :) 

Ok speaking of pick up lines, you all know about how I like to leave my number for people. I've left my number for waiters, bartenders, and one time a limo driver in Vegas but he kinda asked me for my number and ANYWAYS, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas...honestly though, nothing happened, he was crazy.

Alright! On to my story of the day!!

So this story is about how I got turned down hard core! I know you may think I'm a unicorn being so majestic and all, but I get turned down too! I feel like all of  my stories have been doggin on these guys so I want to show you a softer side now :P 

We'll call this guy - Doc. Why? Because he was a doctor.

Ok! Let's DO THIS!

Soooooo wayyyyy back when I first started my online dating career, I was on eHarmony. My suggestion, don't go on eHarmony unless you're older. The site is probably good but I didn't like how you couldn't search through the people on the site. I'm not trying to pay for a site I can't browse through...you know what I'm saying? I would get like 10 matches a day and most of the time, I didn't want them. I know that sounds harsh but let's be honest, I like shopping! I want to browse through the racks of guy...

So anyways, one day I actually get a guy who I like! He's ethnic (my type in a super super nutshell is Aladdin. Dark features and most of the time mixed with something), he had a good family, he was established and 28! Sooo he was mature right?!?!? 

Ok we get to talking and being that I'm a girl...I do what most girls do. We automatically marry the guy in our heads. I mean, what girl doesn't do that? I've married like 10 guys in my head already...it's actually probably more, but let's just go with 10. 

Doc and I go out and he's so cute BUT he's Asian. Do you know what that means?? His parents only want him to marry an Asian girl, but in my mind, I was thinking that wasn't really a thing....like nowadays, everyone's making mixed babies...they are the cutest! 

As we're going on the dates, things are getting kinda serious. Like, we spend days at a time together and we're going out and I'm meeting his friends...Things are looking good right?!?! 

One morning we go to breakfast and things are going well. We say goodbye and I head over to meet my friends at the Venice boardwalk. I tell them all about him...

A day or so goes by without talking to Doc, which was kinda weird because we usually talked every day BUT I figured he was busy...and turned out I was right...

2 days after the great date we had...HE'S OFFICIAL WITH SOME OTHER GIRL ON FACEBOOK.

WHAT.THE.F*CK?!?

Guess what, she was Asian....so I shoulda known...

Like no notice, no text, no "hey, I'm seeing other people". I don't even know how he had time to date this other girl.

You know how many times I wrote out a text or a Facebook message about WTF and then erased it because "I'm going to be mature about it"? Like a million times. Guys!!!! Just be straight up and honest.

Anyways, that was the first time I REALLY got shot down....there were other times too....like when I really liked this other guy and after like 3 months of hanging out he just decided to make out with some other girl right in front of me at his party...

Yeah..happens to the best of us! But you just gotta pick yourself up and move on! Sure, I've been that girl crying in the club's bathroom BUT that's what friends are for...they pick you up and watch rom-coms with you that night to make you feel better...You know who you are :). 

Moral of the story...I'm human. Everyone gets the shit kicked out of them at some point or another (except for my sister because she's only dated one guy and now they're married...so there wasn't any heartbreak for her....but I'm not bitter...Love you guys!!!) 

Don't forget to email me any stories you may have TheUnitedDatesOfSarah@gmail.com

And Follow Me On Twitter @UntDatesOfSarah and like the Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/TheUnitedDatesOfSarah

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The United Dates Of Sarah - Familiar Faces - Entry 10

Before we get to the story of the week, I would like to go over some Tinder rules. These rules are not posted or written HOWEVER, it has come to my attention that these unspoken rules, do need to be addressed. So, here I go.

If you're looking to find someone on Tinder, like actually find a real date on Tinder, please consider the following:

1. Your first photo should be of your face! One would think this might be logical but let me tell you...The first photo determines almost everything on Tinder. I don't want to see a sunset, a landscape, the back of your head, a group photo, a dog, a baby, a cartoon, or a dick pic. You should be confident in yourself to post a good, full frontal, face photo! The creative cool photos, you can have, just not as the first photo. Haven't you ever heard of the saying "Don't judge a book by it's cover"? Well, with Tinder, that's what people are doing. They're judging the shit out of you from the first photo...so make it good. I guess a selfie might be fine, but can't you get someone to take a photo of you at least?

Here are a couple of Tinder photos that...well....shouldn't be the first thing we see...or maybe even the second or third photo:

**If you're reading this off of your phone..the images might be a little distorted but you'll get the gist.

                                                                                                                                                   

             

This one is for the guys out there...You get these too! On behalf of this girl...I'm sorry.

2. Group photos...It's very rare I swipe right on someone who has their main photo with a group of people. Who wants to take the time to try and figure out who you are??? I mean, this isn't where's Waldo! One group photo, like photo number 3 or 4 might be fine but the people who post all of their photos with groups...NEXT!

3. Post more than one photo! Please! I think the worst about people with one photo...you're a catfish.

4. If you are looking for something more than a hookup, maybe try and write something about yourself in the caption area...and don't say "I'm ready to meet my Tinderella". It's been used too many times.


5. If you want to get a girl, don't have other hot girls in your photos. Just a thought. BUT if you're trying to get a third person involved in your current relationship...that's a different story. Make sure you're getting your point across very clearly:

6. Then there are these types of guys who love to take shirtless selfies...sorry but not MY thing...but good for them...pump that iron, flex those muscles and act like you're surprised the photo was taken ;)

7, Lastly, if a child is in your photos, specify who it belongs to..thanks!

Those are just some of my observations and notes I wanted to share with you. I know Tinder does work though! As a matter of fact, one of my very good friends met her boyfriend on Tinder after having the app for 2 days!!! People have gotten married from Tinder, BUT If you're just trying to hook up...go for it! Post that dick pic or write it in the "about me" section...Girls like me, would rather know not to waste our time. I would LOVE to hear about the girl's side of Tinder too so please email me your thoughts on the unwritten rules for the other side :)

Anyways, on to my story! How exciting!! Ok, we'll call this guy, The Bank Robber.

Sooo my friend and I decided to go to a Jewish singles mixer of course: 1. because there was going to be free appetizers and 2. because why not? It was after work near my friend's house and it was free...Ok so, we get there and there's a pretty good turn out! We're just standing by a platter of pita and hummus (of course) and as I turn to look at the people entering, I notice a guy we had met before.

I tell my friend, "look! Isn't that the guy we met like a year ago who told us he was a bank robber and was kind of super strange?"

Friend: Yes!

So he basically makes his way over to us and starts talking...like he didn't recognize us AT ALL! So we're talking and I can't help but laugh a little...especially when he asked me what I do.

Me: Well, sometimes I like to tell people I'm a bank robber and see how far I can go with it.

Robber: NO WAY!?!! Me too! That's so crazy. Yeah like sometimes people really believe me!

Me: I know...crazy.

Friend: Yeah we wear potato chip bags over our head so no one can see our faces.

Me: Yep!

Well after a minute, my friend and I break away from this guy and walk to the other end of the mixer.

Friend: Sarah, he totally recognized us and was playing it off.

Me: I don't think so! He was shocked when I said I was a bank robber.

**Still to this day we don't know if he recognized us BUT...what do I get the next day?

A Facebook friend request.

Oy Vey! BUT WAIT...that's not all! Minutes later I get multiple messages from him...Not ever going to answer and going to leave his friend request in purgatory forever...but I do wish him the best.

Don't forget to email me any stories you may have TheUnitedDatesOfSarah@gmail.com

And Follow Me On Twitter @UntDatesOfSarah and like the Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/TheUnitedDatesOfSarah

I post new blogs ever MONDAY! If you're interested in subscribing, scroll all the way down and it should say "subscribe" :)

The girl who got this text...Her name IS NOT Karissa...so there's that.

That's also not true :P