The Options Are Endless....so they say - Entry 21

Welcome to cuffing season everyone!

(Praying I get cuffed someday) 

My personal trainer, who is secretly and not so secretly in love with me, told me about cuffing season. Before I get into the definition, I do want to give a shoutout to my trainer Simon! HEEYYOOO! He's wanted to be in a blog entry for a while so here you go :) He's told me that once I'm done trying to find the one, he'd be there for me *Cue the Jackson 5 singing I'll be there*

I do have a one true love though...and it's my nephew! He'll be my cuddle buddy all winter 😍

Anyways, at first, I didn't know what cuffing meant when Simon told me about it....he kind of described it as a time where the cold seasons begin and people want a person to cuddle with. People find that person and they cuff them...or put a title on things so they have a snuggle buddy for life! Well, that last part might not be true...maybe not for life, instead maybe just until Summer rolls around. But anyways, I decided to see if it was an actual thing, so naturally I googled it...and by golly Urban Dictionary has a freakin definition and scenario for cuffing season:

"During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be "Cuffed" or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

Brittany: Why is everyone trying to holla this week like outta no where?

Tiara: You know cuffing season is in full effect right?

Brittany: Oh yeah you right. I know I wont be sleeping alone this weekend.

#cuffing #single #fall #winter #spooning #season #cuffingseason #breakup"

Urban Freakin Dictionary is cooler than I am. Needless to say, I'd like to experience cuffing season buuuuutttt we'll just have to wait and see what happens. 

I recently went on a date that seemed as though it might have been promising. The young man on the other end of the text conversation was great at keeping conversation going and seemed very interested. He even called me a couple of times...unfortunately I wasn't in a place to answer but it's the thought that counts! After a few days of texting, we decided to meet. 

My first impression was mixed. Yes, he looked like his pictures but he didn't really make eye contact but I just chalked that up to being shy. I wanted to really give this guy a chance...something I didn't do much in the past. 

When we sat down, we were talking about our jobs, and then, for a split second it got quiet...and it all went to shit from there. He immediately looked down at his hands (which were placed under the table in his lap area) and asked "so if you could choose one movie to watch for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?" 

Remember this sign: 

I wanted to be like...do you have topics to talk about on dates written on your hands???? The next question was "If you could choose anywhere in the world to live, where would it be, and why?" and then "If you could only eat one type of food for the rest of your life, what would it be...and why?" and then "What's your favorite memory from your childhood and why?" Each time looking down at his lap area/hands just before asking the questions. This went on for an hour. He would ask me a question (essay style...always asking "and why") and I would answer it....I felt like we were in a job interview or I was writing a college entrance essay! 

Unfortunately the waiters were men and they weren't getting my hints to bring the damn check. No offense but they just don't get it as well as women might. I was literally giving them this face every time they came over to ask how we were doing: 

(My adorable nephew)

This face obviously means, HELP AND GIVE ME THE MOTHER F'ING CHECK! The face didn't work though...

So finally, he starts talking about the first time he got drunk.....

"I wasn't feeling well so I found a bush nearby and did a number 2. Once I was done, I felt better". 

😩 #NailInTheCoffin

What 30 year old says "I did a number 2"??? He could have just said he didn't feel well...

I finally gave up giving hints to the waiter and said "Can we get the check?"

I gave him a hug goodbye and we went our separate ways.........

As you can imagine, I won't be going on a number two (second) date with him...Get it? 

Don't forget to like my Instagram page @TheUnitedDatesOfSarah

The United Dates Of Sarah - From Dear Abby...But Not - Entry 20

You guys! It's been too long and sooo much has happened. Let's catch up a bit. First of all, I'm going to be an aunt in about 3 months! And guess what...it's a boy! Do you know what that means? It means he's going to grow up with me telling him exactly how to treat girls, how to be a gentleman, how to be that night in shining armor, that Ryan Gosling to someone's Rachel McAdams...kinda like this

Anyways, that's a big thing..

Soooo this blog entry is going to be a little different. This is going to be an open letter to my future nephew Eli that I hope he reads around the time of dating age.

Let me just start with this quote:

"If the person you're dating doesn't add to you, they are taking away" - Unsure who said it, but I like it.

_________

Dear Eli,

I'm sure you're reading this letter thinking, what does my crazy Aunt Sarah have to say now and why am I in your blog? Well, you should only be so lucky. 

Anyways, I'm here to give you some tips and tricks about how to treat the special someone you end up dating. 

For the most part I have been treated well in relationships but just recently I felt what it's like to be treated like a hookup, like a person with no feelings and no one should be treated that way. 

Your mom and dad have only ever dated each other which is very rare and unless you're as lucky as them, I'm sure you'll have some heartbreak in your life too and you should always feel free to come to me. 

First of all, I don't care who you date. Girl, boy, or anything in between...as long as that person makes you happy and you're able to do the same. With that being said, I'm just going to use the pronoun "she" and "her" to make things a little less confusing....and I have some suggestions about how to make your person feel special. 

Tip #1 - Put some god damn effort in/GOOGLE: It's not hard to Google. Well, I'm not sure if Google will even be a thing in 15 years BUT it is now so this is what I'm going with. Google is a search engine that works wonders. Do you have a question? Google it. Do you need advice? Google it. Do you need to get suggestions for nice date spots? Google it. It's quite simple actually. Even just taking a minute to search "fun date ideas in SD" will provide you with tons of answers! Once you've found an event/idea/location you like, put a little spin on it. For example, if you think the girl you're dating would like Mission Bay, order some Subway sandwiches before you head out and bring a blanket. BAM!!! It's a romantic picnic and look... all for about $12! (Not counting inflation by the time you read this). The little things in life also are very important. Include little surprises here and there. Make her feel like you're trying. A note or a flower on her car. Bring the romanticism. Who knows, maybe you're a 300 lb wide receiver right about now but I know deep down inside you want to be romanic and make her feel special.

Tip #2 - PDA: I think we can all agree that public displays of affection can go one of two ways. It can either be cute OR you might feel like taking a shower after seeing it. I'd go with the cute one. This means holding hands, a kiss every now and then or a shoulder lean. What do all of these have in common? Touch and showing off the fact that you like this person enough to show the world. Who wants to feel like they're embarrassed of the person they're with? No one! So don't be shy and take your girl's hand or throw that arm over the shoulder.

Tip #3 - Meet her life: What do I mean by this Eli? Well, when you describe your life, I'm sure you talk about your likes, hobbies, friends and family and if you're serious about a girl I'm sure you'll want her to be a part of some of your life. The guy I was just dating for 4 months had me meet 1 friend and we literally did NOTHING. I couldn't stand it anymore. I kept asking him to come to events I was going to and meet my friends but every time he was *cough* *cough* "not feeling well". I was being hidden and that doesn't make anyone feel special. One thing I'm sure your mom will teach you is inclusion! Everyone deserves to feel wanted.

Tip #4 - Make them a priority & think: Boys are dumb.  I really hope you're not but I'm going to assume you'll be a normal teenage boy who doesn't get hints so my suggestion to you is THINK! Before you go on a date think about the girl. What would she enjoy? Even if it's just a movie and it starts at 6pm, think about food. Will you get food there or should you eat before hand. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T EAT BEFORE SHE GETS THERE AND THEN OFFER HER YOUR LEFTOVERS! Let me tell you a little story. This past gentleman I was dating thought it was a good idea to ask me to the movies after work around 6:30pm. I hadn't eaten since lunch and he knew that but he was hungry. So I got to the movies (located next to the food court) and saw him eating fries. He looked at me and said "want one? I already ate my meal". F THAT! How rude! I was thinking *Yes, that's exactly what I would like after a long week is a beautiful meal of a fry....I'm stuffed*....said no one ever! Anyways, think about the girl and what would be the right thing to do.

Tip #5 - Be the safety blanket: Most girls want to feel safe and this doesn't mean you have to go to the gym and start lifting weights. This just means she wants to feel comfortable and liked/loved. Spending time with the person you're dating is important. The person I was just dating didn't spend more than 3 hours with me at a time. He wasn't making us a priority and that sucked. Just realize people are sensitive and want to be romanced, pursued and cuddled. Make your girl feel secure that she's the only one for you and tell her she's beautiful.

Now, all of this to say you're actually liking the person. I'm not saying, do this for EVERY SINGLE girl. These tips are for someone you're consistently dating...someone you're exclusive with. You gotta vet her first; make sure she's not bat shit cray. And I obviously have more tips like have open communication and be honest and all that but that's for another letter at another time. This is just about making her feel some type of way about you. And she needs to put in the effort too. No one is perfect but you can try to be perfect for each other. Dating is a two way street and you need to be willing to drive with the other person. 

In conclusion, I hope you have fun, are respectful and come out with some awesome stories :) 

I don't know you yet, but I already love you and can't wait to finally have a man in my life that I love unconditionally. 

Love,

Auntie Sarah

Don't forget to like my Instagram page @TheUnitedDatesOfSarah